by Susan Gammage, Baha’i Life Coach In my Bahá’í-inspired life coaching, many clients wonder about the role of service in their lives.  I often hear:  I don’t have time to add another thing to my already busy life.  So why is it so important? In the Bahá’í Writings, ‘Abdul-Bahá tells us: By assisting in the [...]

by Susan Gammage, Baha’i Life Coach

In my Bahá’í-inspired life coaching, many clients wonder about the role of service in their lives.  I often hear:  I don’t have time to add another thing to my already busy life.  So why is it so important?

In the Bahá’í Writings, ‘Abdul-Bahá tells us:

By assisting in the success of another servant in the Cause does one…lay the foundation for one’s own success and aspirations . . . (‘Abdul-Bahá, Star of the West, Vol. 6, #6, p. 44)

I like to use this story, which I found in a book called “The Simple Truths of Service”, by Ken Blanchard and Barbara Glanz.  It illustrates how service can be as easy as a state of mind, and can be implemented into our life, in every action we take.

No one can make you serve customers well. That’s because great service is a choice. Years ago, my friend, Harvey Mackay, told me a wonderful story about a cab driver that proved this point. He was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Harvey noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for Harvey. He handed my friend a laminated card and said:  “I’m Wally, your driver. While I’m loading your bags in the trunk, I’d like you to read my mission statement.”

Taken aback, Harvey read the card. It said:

Wally’s Mission Statement:  To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest, and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment.

This blew Harvey away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean!

As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, “Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf.”

My friend said jokingly, “No, I’d prefer a soft drink.”

Wally smiled and said, “No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, water and orange juice.”

Almost stuttering, Harvey said, “I’ll take a Diet Coke”

Handing him his drink, Wally said, “If you’d like something to read, I have The Wall Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustratedand USA Today.”

As they were pulling away, Wally handed my friend another laminated card. “These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you’d like to listen to the radio.”

As if that weren’t enough, Wally told Harvey that he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for him. Then he advised Harvey of the best route to his destination for that time of the day. He also let him know that he’d be happy to chat and tell him about some of the sights, or, if Harvey preferred, to leave him with his own thoughts.

“Tell me, Wally,” my amazed friend asked the driver, “have you always served customers like this?”

Wally smiled into the rear view mirror. “No, not always. In fact, it’s only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer, on the radio one day. He had just written a book called You’ll See It When You Believe It. Dyer said that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you’ll rarely disappoint yourself. He said, ‘Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don’t be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.’

“That hit me right between the eyes,” said Wally. “Dyer was really talking about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more.”

“I take it this has paid off for you,” Harvey said.

“It sure had,” Wally replied. “My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I’ll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I don’t sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can’t pick them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece of the action.”

Can you see how this story demonstrates how serving others, helps us too?

I’d like to end with some quotes on service, from the Bahá’í Writings, which have helped my life coaching clients:

In the first, we learn that God sees our services and loves us for them:

I bear witness to the services thou hast rendered Me, and testify to the various troubles thou hast sustained for My sake. All the atoms of the earth declare My love for thee.  (Bahá’u'lláh, Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá’u'lláh, pp. 309-310)

In the second, we see the power of service to change us into something much better than we could possibly imagine:

The power of God can entirely transmute our characters and make of us beings entirely unlike our previous selves. Through . . . ever-increasing service to His Faith, we can change ourselves.  (Shoghi Effendi, Spiritual Foundations, p. 17)

What are your experiences with being of service?  Post your comments here:

by Susan Gammage, Baha’i Life Coach In my Bahá’í inspired life coaching practice, people often ask about the concept of service and how it differs from codependence. Where does selflessness fit? Where does being selfless cross the line into being a doormat? Many years back, I discovered this incredibly insightful article which explained it perfectly [...]

by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach

In my Bahá’í inspired life coaching practice, people often ask about the concept of service and how it differs from codependence. Where does selflessness fit? Where does being selfless cross the line into being a doormat?

Many years back, I discovered this incredibly insightful article which explained it perfectly so I reprint it here. It’s by Rachel Naomi Remen, and I found it at: http://www.theinterpretersfriend.com/Terpsnet/11.html

In recent years the question “how can I help?” has become meaningful to many people. But perhaps there is a deeper question we might consider. Perhaps the real question is not “how can I help? But “how can I serve?”

Serving is different from helping. Helping is based on inequality; it is not a relationship between equals. When you help you use your own strength to help those of lesser strength. If I’m attentive to what’s going on inside of me when I’m helping, I find that I’m always helping someone who’s not as strong as I am, who is needier than I am. People feel this inequality.

When we help we may inadvertently take away from people more than we could ever give them; we may diminish their self-esteem, their sense of worth, integrity and wholeness. When I help I am very aware of my own strength. But we don’t serve with our strength, we serve with ourselves. We draw from all of our experiences. Our limitations serve, our wounds serve, even our darkness can serve. The wholeness in us serves the wholeness in others and the wholeness in life. The wholeness in you is the same as the wholeness in me. Service is a relationship between equals.

Helping incurs debt. When you help someone they own you one. But serving, like healing, is mutual. There is no debt. I am as served as the personal I am serving. When I help, I have a feeling of satisfaction. When I serve, I have a feeling of gratitude. These are very different things.

Serving is also different from fixing. When I fix a person I perceive them as broken, and their broken-ness requires me to act. When I fix I do not see the wholeness in the other person or trust the integrity of the life in them. When I serve I see and trust that wholeness. It is what I am responding to and collaborating with.

There is distance between ourselves and whatever or whomever we are fixing. Fixing is a form of judgments. All judgment creates distance, a disconnection, and experience of difference. In fixing there is an inequality of expertise that can easily become a more distance. We cannot serve at a distance. We can only serve that to which we are profoundly connected, that which we are willing to touch. This is Mother Teresa’s basic message. We serve life not because it is broken but because it is holy.

Hope you found this as insightful as I did!

I want to leave you with a quote from the Bahá’í Writings as a final thought:

The service of the friends belongs to God, not to them.

(Abdu’l-Baha, Tablets of Abdu’l-Baha v1, p. 61)

What are your thoughts?  Post your comments here.

by Susan Gammage, Baha’i Life Coach This week, in my Bahá’í-inspired life coaching practice, I was working with a woman who felt taken advantage of by her 3 teenagers and husband, in their seemingly endless demands on her time and energy, to the point that she was feeling angry and resentful and didn’t know what [...]

by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach

This week, in my Bahá’í-inspired life coaching practice, I was working with a woman who felt taken advantage of by her 3 teenagers and husband, in their seemingly endless demands on her time and energy, to the point that she was feeling angry and resentful and didn’t know what to do. She asked about setting boundaries. Was there guidance from the Writings on this topic?

She knew about the principles of the oneness of humanity and the quotes that talked about being loving, selfless and long-suffering, but wondered if there were any quotes to support setting up boundaries, to prevent people from walking all over her and so that she could stop feeling like a doormat. What was she supposed to do?

If we’re all one, where are the lines between where one person stops and another starts? Perhaps the key is in frank and loving consultation. The proponents of “tough love” tell us that loving someone doesn’t always feel good, and speaking our truth frankly takes many of us outside our comfort zones.

Like most women, she’s uncomfortable expressing anger – she doesn’t like how it makes her feel. She’s afraid of being not loved or being too self-centred for wanting some time to herself. She feels that if she gets angry, she will somehow come across as “holier than thou”. She wonders that if she looks at their good qualities and overlooks their faults, is she being stupid or spiritually healthy?

We spoke about ‘Abdul-Bahá’s comment:

When Christ’s said; “Whosoever shall smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the left one also,” it was for the purpose of teaching men not to take personal revenge.
‘Abdul-Bahá, Some Answered Questions, p. 270

Revenge wasn’t what she was after; she just was tired of being taken advantage of: a common refrain of most women!

She was trying to be selfless and sacrificial but wondered if doing things for them all the time was exceeding the bounds of moderation, especially if she was doing things they could and should be doing for themselves.

If the reality of man is his thoughts, then perhaps it’s a matter of how we think about the actions we choose. For example, if we see ourselves as putting up with whatever other’s ask of us, we’re being a victim and if we deliberately choose to develop the virtue of being long suffering, we’re being virtuous. If we dwell on the unpleasant things of life, we make them bigger and our resentment grows, when instead we can choose to focus our thoughts on love and unity.

So then we looked at:

If one person assaults another, the injured one should forgive him.
‘Abdul-Bahá, Some Answered Questions, p. 270

She was willing to forgive. That wasn’t the issue. We remembered the story of a time when someone took advantage of ‘Abdul-Bahá for 25 years, and all the time, ‘Abdul-Bahá would pay his medical bills and make sure his family had something to eat. Here was a time when ‘Abdul-Bahá didn’t throw up His hands and say He’d had enough. He just kept being patient, loving and forgiving.

Sometimes it’s easy to look to the idea of boundary setting rather than to focus on love and unity but if we truly want to bring about the Kingdom of God on earth, we have to start somewhere.

What are your thoughts on boundary setting? Post your comments here.

by Susan Gammage, Baha’i Life Coach The Bahá’í Writings offer a vision of the qualities for which women must strive and we are often encouraged to examine the life of Bahiyyih Khánum, (the daughter of Bahá’u’lláh), who served her Father selflessly throughout His life, forgoing marriage and the establishment of a family of her own [...]