One of the hardest parts of recovery from abuse, is to leave the justice to God, but how do we know that God sees the violence and abuse which goes on in homes and on streets around the world? Think not the deeds ye have committed have been blotted from My sight . . . [...]

One of the hardest parts of recovery from abuse, is to leave the justice to God, but how do we know that God sees the violence and abuse which goes on in homes and on streets around the world?

Think not the deeds ye have committed have been blotted from My sight . . . All your doings hath My pen graven with open characters upon tablets of chrysolite. (Bahá’u'lláh, Hidden Words, Persian 63.)

What is justice and what does it mean in this instance?

The best beloved of all things in My sight is Justice . . . By its aid thou shalt see with thine own eyes and not through the eyes of others, and shalt know of thine own knowledge and not through the knowledge of thy neighbour.  (Bahá’u'lláh, Hidden Words, Arabic 2.)

The Canopy of existence, resteth on the pole of justice, and not of forgiveness, and the life of mankind dependeth on justice and not on forgiveness.   (‘Abdu’l-Bahá, quoted from Shoghi Effendis letters published in Guidance for Today and Tomorrow, Chapter Xll.)

That which traineth the world is Justice, for it is upheld by two pillars, reward and punishment.  These two pillars are the sources of life to the world.   (Bahá’u'lláh, Tablets of Bahá’u'lláh, p. 27.)

Justice is not limited, it is a universal quality.  Its operation must be carried out in all classes, from the highest to the lowest.  Justice must be sacred, and the rights of all the people must be considered.  Desire for others only that which you desire for yourselves . . . I hope that each one of you will become just, and direct your thoughts towards the unity of mankind; that you will never harm your neighbours nor speak ill of any one; that you will respect the rights of all men, and be more concerned for the interests of others than for your own.  Thus will you become torches of Divine justice, acting in accordance with the Teaching of Baha’u'llah.   (`Abdu’l-Bahá:  Paris Talks, pages 159‑160)

Is it better for a perpetrator to be punished in this world or in the next?  Does it matter?

As to the question regarding the soul of a murderer, and what his punishment would be.  The answer given was that the murderer must expiate his crime: that is, if they put the murderer to death, his death is his atonement for his crime, and following the death, God in His justice will impose no second penalty upon him, for divine justice would not allow this.   (‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Selections from the Writings of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, p. 179)

Someone once asked ‘Abdu’l-Bahá this question:  Should a criminal be punished, or forgiven and his crime overlooked?  ‘Abdu’l-Bahá answered:

There are two sorts of retributory punishments.  One is vengeance, the other, chastisement.  Man has not the right to take vengeance, but the community has the right to punish the criminal; and this punishment is intended to warn and to prevent so that no other person will dare to commit a like crime.  This punishment is for the protection of mans rights, but it is not vengeance; vengeance appeases the anger of the heart by opposing one evil to another.  This is not allowable, for man has not the right to take vengeance.  But if criminals were entirely forgiven, the order of the world would be upset.  So punishment is one of the essential necessities for the safety of communities.   (‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Some Answered Questions, p. 268.)

Do the Writings support the punishments meted out by our present justice system?

Observe how many penal institutions, houses of detention and places of torture are made ready to receive the sons of men, the purpose being to prevent them, by punitive measures, from committing terrible crimes – whereas this very torment and punishment only increaseth depravity, and by such means the desired aim cannot be properly achieved.   (‘Abdu’l-Bahá, from a previously untranslated tablet, quoted in Bahá’í Education, p. 16.)

When the justice system fails to punish or protect, do we have any guarantees that there will be punishment done from a spiritual context?

Baha’u'llah is pretty clear:

The rod with which I can chastise the wicked is grievous, and the fierceness of Mine anger against them terrible.   (Bahá’u'lláh, in Shoghi Effendi, Advent of Divine Justice, p. 68.)

He also says:

O Oppressors on Earth!  Withdraw your hand from tyranny, for I have pledged Myself not to forgive any man’s injustice.  This is My covenant which I have irrevocably decreed in the preserved tablet and sealed it with My seal of glory.   (Bahá’u'lláh, Hidden Words, Persian 64.)

What happens to a person who abuses someone else? Sometimes it looks as though their lives are so much better than the lives of the victim.  How is this possible?

The Báb gives us an answer:

Shouldst Thou ordain evil for a servant by reason of that which his hands have unjustly wrought before Thy face, Thou wouldst test him with the benefits of this world and of the next that he might become preoccupied therewith and forget Thy remembrance.    (The Báb, Selections from the Writings of the Báb, p. 192.)

Sometimes it looks as if their lives go on as usual, and that nothing very severe happens, but ‘Abdu’l-Bahá tells us that they will:

see for themselves beyond any doubt that there is no fiercer hell, no more fiery abyss, than to possess a character that is evil and unsound; no more darksome pit nor loathsome torment than to show forth qualities which deserve to be condemned.  (‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Selections from the Writings of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, p. 136.)

I swear by God!  The promised day is come, the day when tormenting trials will have surged above your heads, and beneath your feet, saying: Taste ye what your hands have wrought!  (Bahá’u'lláh in Shoghi Effendi, Advent of Divine Justice, p. 68.)

If they do not achieve this level of awareness in this world,

It is clear and evident that all men shall, after their physical death, estimate the worth of their deeds, and realize all that their hands have wrought … they that live in error shall be seized with such fear and trembling, and shall be filled with such consternation, as nothing can exceed.   (Bahá’u'lláh, Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá’u'lláh, p. 171.)

What sort of chastisement does God hand out to the abuser?

Know thou that ordeals are of two kinds.  One is for tests, and the other for punishment of misdeeds . . . that which is for punishment of deeds is severe retribution.    (‘Abdu’l-Bahá, in Divine Art of Living, p. 85.)

With the perpetrating of vile and ignoble acts, his attention was engrossed, and he abandoned the temperance and moderation of a natural way of life.  The result was the engendering of diseases both violent and diverse.   (‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Selections from the Writings of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, pp. 152-3.)

He hath, however, caused you to be entangled with (the) affairs (of the world) , in return for what your hands have wrought in His Cause.  This, indeed, is a chastisement which ye, of your own will, have inflicted upon yourselves, could ye but perceive it.  (Bahá’u'lláh, Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá’u'lláh, p. 209.)

The other kind of torment is gross – such as penalties, imprisonment, beating, expulsion and banishment.  But for the people of God separation from God is the greatest torment of all.   (‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Some Answered Questions, p. 265.)

Are there no consequences in this world?

It is inevitable that this community will, at times, be subject to delinquent behaviour of members whose actions do not conform to the standards of the Teachings.  At such times, the institutions of the Faith will not hesitate to apply Bahá’í law with justice and fairness in full confidence that the Divine Law is the means for the true happiness of all concerned.  (From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, 24 January 1993.)

Under certain circumstances, the parents could be deprived of the right of parenthood as a consequence of their actions.  The Universal House of Justice has the right to legislate on this matter.  It has decided for the present that all cases should be referred to it in which the conduct or character of a parent appears to render him unworthy of having such parental rights as that of giving consent to marriage.  Such questions could arise, for example, when a parent has committed incest, or when the child was conceived as a consequence of rape, and also when a parent consciously fails to protect the child from flagrant sexual abuse.  (From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, 24 January 1993.)

As to the punishments for such acts as rape, these will be determined in the future by the Universal House of Justice.  (From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer,  8 June 1982.)

What compensation is there for the victim?

Grieve thou not over those that have busied themselves with the things of this world, and have forgotten the remembrance of God . . . The day is approaching when the wrathful anger of the Almighty will have taken hold of them . . . He shall cleanse the earth from the defilement of their corruption, and shall give it for an heritage unto such of His servants as are nigh unto Him.   (Bahá’u'lláh in Shoghi Effendi, Advent of Divine Justice, p. 68-9.)

What about making amends?

If we spontaneously desire to acknowledge we have been wrong in something and that we have some fault of character, and ask another person’s forgiveness or pardon, we are quite free to do so.  The Guardian wants to point out, however, that we are not obliged to do so.  It rests entirely with the individual”   (From a letter written by the Universal House of Justice to a National Spiritual Assembly, 19 March 1973.)

Do the Writings of the Faith give guidance to those who have been punished?

You have already, through at last facing yourself and acknowledging that you have both failed and erred in managing your life so far, set your feet on the right path.  But now this new and spiritual condition in you is going to be proved – and the proving, the testing, will surely consist of the way you determine to take your punishment.

Life is based on laws:  physical, man-made, and spiritual.  As you have broken the laws of the society in which you live, you will have to stand up like a man and take your punishment.  The spirit in which you do this is the most important thing, and constitutes a great opportunity for you . . . at present, until your sentence is up, you must live within yourself in a way not to spoil the new future awaiting you.  You must not become bitter – for after all you are only reaping what you planted.  Bahá’u'lláh and ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, through no crime of their own, spent the better part of their lives in exile and imprisoned, but they never became embittered although they were the victims of injustice.  You, on the other hand, are the victim of injustice which you have inflicted on yourself – therefore you certainly have no right to be bitter towards the world.

He urges you to grasp firmly the teachings of our Faith, the love of your family and many Bahá’í friends, to put the past behind entirely, realizing that it can do you no more harm; on the contrary, through changing you and making you spiritually aware, this very past can be a means of enriching your life in  the future!   (Letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi to an individual believer, 8 April 1948.  Shoghi Effendi, Unfolding Destiny, pp. 449-50.)

Is there a prayer which the abuser can use to turn his life around?

O Lord!  I have fled from Thy justice, and have sought Thy grace, have turned from thy wrath and implored Thy pardon.  I beseech Thee, by Thy power, Thy sovereignty, Thy glory and Thy favour to illumine mankind with the light of thy knowledge, that all things may show Thy handiwork, may unfold the mysteries of thy power, and may reveal the light of Thy knowledge.  Thou art the One that hath caused all things to be made manifest and hath shone upon them with the light of Thy care and Thy providence.   (Bahá’í Prayers (UK), p. 32-4.)

Conclusion

However, it should be recognized that the ultimate solution to the problems of humanity lies not in penalties and  punishments, but rather in spiritual education and illumination. ‘Abdu’l-Bahá has written:

It is incumbent upon human society to expend all its forces on the education of the people, and to copiously enter men’s hearts with the sacred streams that pour down from the Realm of the All‑Merciful, and to teach them the manners of Heaven and spiritual ways of life, until every member of the community of man will be schooled, refined, and exalted to such a degree of perfection that the very committing of a shameful act will seem  in itself the direst infliction and most agonizing of punishments, and man will fly in terror and seek refuge in his God from the very idea of crime, as something far harsher and more grievous than the punishment assigned to it.”   (From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, 24 January 1993.)

 

Post Traumatic Stress By Barbara McLellan   For the past seven years I have been privileged to work with a young woman who is a trauma survivor. I have watched as she courageously met each new day knowing that it would be filled with nightmares.  Simple chores like going shopping were filled with terror. Radio [...]

Post Traumatic Stress

By Barbara McLellan

 

For the past seven years I have been privileged to work with a young woman who is a trauma survivor. I have watched as she courageously met each new day knowing that it would be filled with nightmares.  Simple chores like going shopping were filled with terror. Radio and television had to be closely monitored to ensure that nothing would trigger her and put her into a traumatised state.

I can also remember clearly the day I gazed out my office window and with absolute certainty and conviction believed that the human race was not a fit species to inhabit the earth. I would not have been at all surprised if God suddenly decided to destroy the earth.

That moment which took place a few years ago was a turning point in my belief system and led me on a search for meaning. I knew that my old ways of understanding adversity were no longer valid. I was not interested in “how could an all-loving God allow these things to happen” because I believe that man not God causes suffering. The process I became interested in is what I call a chasm of belief.

A chasm is a great divide, usually a deep long running pit gashed into a mountain. The mountain symbolises one’s faith and the chasm can be formed by great suffering. Suddenly one’s world is cleft asunder. One does not lose faith, but there is a deep wound which requires healing.

Part of the healing process, I believe is finding meaning when one has endured dire adversity and trauma. This paper will explore the elements of trauma, belief, truth, and some possible difficulties being in community.

Is there a place in the Bahá’í community for people who have experienced great trauma?

If a person’s view of the world is one of extreme pessimism, does that person have a real place in community, or must they hide what they know to be true?

After the war in Viet Nam, many soldiers were eventually diagnosed with a disorder known as post traumatic stress syndrome. It is not a mental illness.  Dr Matthew Friedman of the National Center for PTSD says that the etiological agent or the traumatic event was outside the individual rather than an inherent individual weakness or a traumatic neurosis. The traumatic event is something outside the range of usual human experience for instance the Holocaust war, severe abuse, torture and genocide. Not all people exposed to these events will have post traumatic stress disorder. It has been recognised that trauma, like pain, is “not an external phenomena that can be completely objectified”. Like pain, the traumatic experience is filtered through cognitive and emotional processes before it can be appraised as an extreme threat”. (Friedman 1996)

Some aspects of the traumatic event seem to get fixed in the mind, unaltered by the passage of time or by the intervention of subsequent experiences.(Ibid) People with post traumatic stress disorder have difficulty sleeping, are extraordinarily concerned with issues of safety and freedom, and can suffer physical illness. In addition people with post traumatic
stress disorder can be easily triggered by visual and or audio input.

How does someone with post traumatic stress disorder cope in community? To understand this, we must first know the nature of post traumatic stress disorder. This disorder confines people to the past, not through any inherent weakness they might have, but by the traumatic event itself. So for instance, someone who was involved in a bombing might be thrown into the past when a car backfires or she hears a loud bang. All the memories are reborn once again and all the feelings of horror and confusion return.

The Holocaust is the name given to the systematic execution of six million Jews in Europe during the Second World War. Since the Holocaust, there have been many, many other traumatic events and many more survivors. Ritual abuse is a terror endured by children and adults alike. This is a particularly brutal form of sexual, physical and mental abuse and takes place in a group setting. It renders the survivors very wary of group activities. The survivor can not trust the group and feels vulnerable, unsafe and at times terrified.

One of the differences between the Holocaust survivor and a ritual abuse survivor is that while there is almost no denial about the former, there is still an absence of belief about ritual abuse.  This denial makes it much more difficult for survivors to recover. We have people in our community who have experienced war, ritual abuse, torture and have witnessed genocide. How do they see the world?

A woman who survived the Holocaust was asked how, after all the terrible things that happened to her, she found the strength to live each day. She replied, “It’s more a view of the world, a total worldwide view of extreme pessimism … [a sense] of really knowing the truth in a way that other people don’t know it. And all the truth is harsh and impossible to really accept, and yet you have to go on and function. So it’s a complete lack of faith in human beings, in all areas you know, whether it’s politics or whatever, you hear one thing and you believe something else. I mean you say, ‘Oh, well, I know the truth’. (Jay 1991: 19,20)

I found this to be a most enlightening statement. The survivor sees the world with extreme pessimism, sees it as no one else sees it, does not have faith in human beings, and does not believe in what they say. Can you imagine how it must feel to live a life which has these elements in it? What can be said to the survivor? The survivor of ritual abuse also knows the truth. She knows that her teacher, or her doctor, or her lawyer or the next door neighbour is capable of great evil and sadism, while at the same time presenting a public face which would deny any accusations against them.

Refugees from terror and persecution also know the twin faces. They remember that one day they were sending their children off to school, going to work, thinking about painting their roof and before the day was over, they were fleeing for their lives. They absolutely know that life is unpredictable and unsafe.

And there is another aspect. I met a Baha’i refugee from Iran who is no longer in New Zealand. He was filled with guilt. He asked was not his blood the same as those being martyred? And yet he was safe and sound in a free country with his wife and children. He had enormous guilt because he was able to leave Iran.

Shoghi Effendi wrote that a tempest, unprecedented in its violence is sweeping the face of the earth, that it is a cleansing force and it is disrupting the homes of its peoples and harrowing up the souls of its inhabitants. The promised day is come, the day when tormenting trials will have surged above your heads, and beneath your feet, saying: “Taste ye what your hands have wrought!” (Shoghi Effendi 1967: 1)

This is the day that we are living in. It is a day fraught with danger, both spiritual and physical and we know as Baha’is, that it’s going to get worse in the short term.

Having said that, however, I am concerned with process: how do we as a community respond to the sufferings of others? How do we help people make sense of their suffering?

This suffering is real and at times paralyzing. Extreme trauma destroys one’s ability to trust the world. The person actually lives in two worlds – the one around us and a world which is like a deep well of sadness. The traumatic event seems to violate the integrity of the essence of the person. One of the ways for a survivor to live with post traumatic stress disorder is for other people to listen to them. Survivors need to have a hearing in community. In other words, they need people to listen to what has happened to them and not make judgements.

However, this process is fraught with difficulties. In working with Viet Nam veterans, Jeffrey Jay of the Center for Post-Traumatic Stress Studies and Treatment in Washington D.C found that despite all the different therapies they tried, the young men were not recovering from their night and day mares. He writes With our therapeutic weapons of catharsis and confrontation in group therapy, we marched resolutely through the desolate landscape of the veterans’ alienation and isolation. Slowly, we began to understand the depths of the problem and the meager impact of our methods, which centred on the private, inner experience of the survivor. Only when we started to understand that the veterans, like most trauma victims, cannot fully recover until they can find meaning for their experience did we begin to realise the intimate connection between public acceptance and private resolution of the trauma.

Jeffrey Jay and his colleagues decided to have gather people together to listen to the veterans’ experiences. This was at a time in America when being a Vietnam vet was very unpopular. A young man told his story of how he threw a Vietcong family out of a helicopter to their deaths and wondered how he can now take up a normal life. At that meeting was an older man who had fought during World War II and his response was I want you to know that I was in the Pacific in the WW2. I landed on Corregidor. What happened to us was much worse than what happened to you, but I have never talked about it, I have never spoken of it, and I never will. (Jay 1991: 24)

To the older man, the young Vietnam veteran had violated a fundamental code of privacy that rigidly forbade the public revelation of terrible truths. However, the younger man had decided it was better to tell the truth to whom ever wanted to hear than to go to a pub and drink it off.

The older man could be replaced by an older woman admonishing a young woman that rape is part of a woman’s life, or religious refugees who say, we did it for God do not complain I do not think the trauma victims are saying oh woe is me, look at how hard life is, I believe they are trying to share what has happened to them to widen the human experience and speak their terrible truth.

We have all had the experience of being with someone who sounds like a broken record. All they can talk about is this terrible thing that happened and we can’t seem to get them off the subject. We can’t seem to get them to look at the bright side of life. These people are so negative we say. We should start to avoid them and let them get on with their own lives.

This is a very predictable pattern for human beings. At first we will reassure and offer cheering homilies. But the person keeps on talking in fact feels driven to a howling, self-centered outrage that exactly corresponds in ferocity to the pain and terror of the trauma itself. (Ibid.) So we, the community begin to give subtle warnings, but the person who experienced the trauma can not take heed. The ultimate trump card is shame. Only shame is powerful enough to squelch the victim’s desperate need to be heard. The power of shame is known and sanctioned in the Bible: In the story of Job, neither God nor the community would tolerate even a good and innocent man’s crying out against the most outrageous betrayal and unjust violence. The Greek root of the word shame is scham, which refers to a skin that is used to cover the exposed, vulnerable parts of a person, specially what is seen as shameful. The shamed person feels both exposed and condemned, uncovered and seen through – in a sense, flayed by the community’s disgust and contempt.

The trauma survivor already wishes, on some level, to disappear, to withdraw, to die.  Therefore, the best technique for silencing the trauma victim, whose outraged and betrayed sense of self cries out for expression, is shame, which alienates the private, violated self from the social self. Shame causes the private self to retreat into numbness, to repress feelings and dampen personal engagement with others. (Ibid.: 24, 25)

Now you might be saying to yourself, how very cruel of community to silence these people who have suffered so much. But the other side of the coin is this reality: To discuss in public the lasting effects of trauma would defy the assumption of acceptable, safe relations between consenting citizens of a decent society. Basically, the victim who will not remain silent is challenging society’s vision of itself, bearing witness to uncomfortable moral truths and demanding from everyone … a kind of moral accounting: ‘And where do you stand’, the victim asks ‘not on abstract issues of truth and justice, but on this war and this violence and this brutality, this terrible thing that happens every day in our world, yours as well as mine?’” (Ibid.:26, 27)

Ah, we respond to the trauma victim: but tests are a healing medicine, my calamity is my providence, God must really love you, no one is given a test beyond her own capacity, don’t be so negative, the world is not like that, forgive the people who hurt you and you’ll get over it.

And why do we say those things?

Because we cannot bear to live without hope. We believe that the world cannot be as bad as we are being told. But this is what the post traumatic stress disorder survivor does not have – hope. Many survivors have a great well of sorrow within them which cannot be filled.

Robyn Morgan writes about a Cambodian woman who saw her family and friends tortured and executed by the Khmer Rouge. The woman said that one day they picked out one woman and one man and hit them again and again. She began crying again, and couldn’t stop. She recalls that ‘it felt like there was a big needle pushing through my head.’ When she stopped crying, days later, she could no longer see. (Morgan 1993: 283, 284) The woman was blinded by sorrow. Can you imagine what that must be like? To be so sad, you decide that you no longer want to look out at the world.

Some people advise the person to forgive and forget. In other words, forgive the people who hurt you so you can get over it. I am not saying that we should not forgive, but I think we need to know what kind of forgiveness we are talking about when such advice is given and by forgiving the individual, will the event really be forgotten?

First of all, when we advise someone to forgive, what kind of forgiveness is it? Is it forgiveness based on the reversal of moral judgement, or as a remission of punishment, or is it to overcome resentment? (Haber 1991: 12-22)

I do not think any of these are appropriate when a person or persons have inflicted great harm on another. In a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice regarding the forgiveness of a father who has abused his daughter, it states:

To forgive him will not be easy, and this is not something to which either you or the members of your family can force yourselves. Nevertheless, you should know that forgiveness is the standard which individual Baha’is are called upon to attain. It is an essential part of the spiritual growth of a person who has been wronged. To nurse a grievance or hatred against another soul is spiritually poisonous to the soul which nurses it, but to strive to see another person as a child of God and, however heinous his deeds, to attempt to overlook his sins for the sake of God, removes bitterness from the soul and both ennobles and strengthens it.” (The Universal House of Justice 1992: #10)

This is the kind of forgiveness we are called upon to deliver: it is not in a soul’s best interest to harbour hatred. I think one of the hardest things about forgiving is if the wrongdoers have not been punished by society. However the above quote indicates that forgiveness is an individual act, rather than a community act, so it is possible for a wronged one to forgive, whether or not the wrongdoer is repentant.  And it is up to the community to punish the wrongdoer as ‘Abdu’l-Baha revealed:

But if criminals were entirely forgiven, the order of the world would be upset. So punishment is one of the essential necessities for the safety of communities, but he who is oppressed by a transgressor has not the right to take vengeance. On the contrary, he should forgive and pardon, for this is worthy of the world of man.” (‘Abdu’l-Baha 1982: 268)

I read a wonderful book entitled Why Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold Kushner.  His son had a degenerative disease and his book explores not why bad things happen to good people per se but the human response to pain, our own and others. I found his book to be a great eye opener because it distances God from the evil that humans inflict on each other, and puts disease and accidents in their rightful place in the scheme of things.

In examining the life of the Prophet Job, he comes up with three statements he says we would all like to believe and they are: that God is all-powerful and causes everything that happens in the world. Nothing happens without His willing it; that God is just and fair, and stands for people getting what they deserve, so that the good prosper and the wicked are punished; that Job is a good person.

These three statements do not contradict themselves as long as nothing goes wrong. As we know, everything went wrong for Job, one of God’s most devoted followers, therefore since God is all powerful and God gives people what they deserve, then Job must have been a sinner. But we know that Job was not a sinner, therefore was God testing him? But why kill his children to see if Job could pass a test? Would you want to believe in a God that murders innocent children? How do you pray to such a God?

We may not say these things out loud to ourselves, especially being Baha’is and believing that we know God’s Plan for humankind. However, I believe in the collective memory of humanity and I believe that we have all kinds of unchallenged assumptions about God and life on this planet. So even if we are Baha’is we are liable to have a belief system which dates back to the time of Job. This is not a criticism, but rather an acknowledgement that it takes many generations to discard outworn beliefs.

So in endeavouring to make meaning out of suffering, and knowing that God is good, and wants only the best for us, it must have been on some level, we think, that Job – or the questioned God, when he tried to find meaning in his suffering, God neither gave him a reason nor call him a sinner. God replied, in part: Who is this that darkeneth counsel by words without knowledge?  Gird up now thy loins like a man; for I will demand of thee and answer thou me. Where wast thou when I laid the foundations for the earth?  Declare if thou has understanding. …. Hast thou commanded the morning since thy days; and caused the dayspring to know his place? (Job 38, 3, 4, 12)

Or as Baha’u’llah revealed: From His retreat of glory His Voice is ever proclaiming: ‘Verily, I am God; there is none other God besides Me, the All-Knowing, the All-Wise”. (Baha’u’llah 1963: 49)

According to Kushner, there is an old Iranian folk proverb about God and suffering and our response to one another’s suffering:  If you see a blind man, kick him; why should you be kinder than God ?  He explains: In other words, if you see someone who is suffering, you must believe that he deserves his fate and that God wants him to suffer. Therefore, put yourself on God’s side by shunning him or humiliating him further. If you try to help him, you will be going against God’s justice”. (Kushner: 94)

I don’t know if this is an Iranian folk proverb. Perhaps it’s just a human folk proverb because some part of me immediately understood the proverb. If God is an all-loving parent, then He would never hurt us, so therefore the blind man must have done something to deserve his blindness. This is one way of trying to understand suffering, but upon close scrutiny, it does not stand up to reason. Does God really make people disabled so that the person will know and love God more? I think not.

I think sickness occurs because there is disease. There is something out of order in the body. God is there so that one can find strength and comfort. How can one pray to the One that caused the illness? It’s like being nice to a thief that robbed you of a precious jewel. God does not cause evil. Humans inflict evil on each other.

Baha’u’llah revealed:

“Indeed the actions of man himself breed a profusion of satanic power. For were men to abide by and observe the divine teachings, every trace of evil would be banished from the face of the earth. However, the widespread differences that exist among mankind  and the prevalence of sedition, contention, conflict and the like are the primary factors which provoke the appearance of the satanic spirit. Yet the Holy Spirit hath ever shunned such matters. A world in which naught can be perceived save strife, quarrels and corruption is bound to became the seat of the throne, the very metropolis, of Satan.” (Baha’u’llah 1982: 176-177)

I would now like to talk about the soul. I am conscious of the fact that Baha’u’llah revealed that the soul is a mystery no mind, however acute, can ever hope to unravel.  (Baha’u’llah 1963: 158, 159) The Bab revealed “As this physical frame is the throne of the inner temple, whatever occurs to the former is felt by the latter. In reality that which takes delight in joy or is saddened by pain is the inner temple of the body, not the body itself…” (The Bab 1976: 95)

Abdu’l-Baha writes

“But when sadness visits us we become weak, our strength leaves us, our comprehension is dim, and our intelligence veiled. The actualities of life seem to elude our grasp, the eyes of our spirits fail to discover the secret mysteries, and we become even as dead beings. ( ‘Abdu’l-Baha 1962: 15, 16)

John Bradshaw, the author of Creating Love: the next great stage of growth believes that the soul is what recognises that we are being degraded in an act of abuse. (1992: 116)

This is what I believe happens when traumatic events occur and people develop post traumatic stress disorder: I believe that when people suffer a traumatic event, it’s like someone has heaped a lot of garbage on them – invisible garbage. And they have to find their way out of this labyrinth of awfulness and it is their soul which knows something terrible has happened and it seeks relief.

It is imperative that the community prays for the soul to assist it in its long journey out of the invisible garbage heap.  Remember, for post traumatic stress disorder survivors, their world has been turned into a nightmare. At any time, due to some outside influence they can return to the place of the trauma. Sometimes the sadness and grief is so great that even listening to music can be the cause of great pain.

 I do not believe it is useful to mouth the platitudes I mentioned above to people who suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. To say to someone that because this traumatic event happened to them proves that God must really love them places both God and the survivor in a very precarious position. Where does the survivor now go for love and succour? Is this really what God is all about – personally visiting chaos on unsuspecting people?

Trust is a most crucial element in a human being’s life. It’s a firm belief in the reliability or truth or strength of a person or thing; it’s a confident expectation. We trust gravity will work every time we put our feet on the ground. We trust when the traffic light is green, it’s safe to proceed.

Now I want you to picture for a moment what it would be like for you not to trust anything around you. What would it be like not to be able to rely on anything? This is what it is to varying degrees for people with post traumatic stress disorder.

For instance, for people who have been ritually abused this overhead shows the world they might inhabit. (Available from author). Words take on different meanings, the young woman is thrown back to the experiences of the past and can not trust the psychiatrist because he has now become in her mind “one of them”.

So how is trust regained? It is my experience that there are some very important elements in rebuilding trust and they are love, listen, and believe. Love: Baha’u’llah revealed O ye rich ones of the earth! The poor in your midst are My trust; guard ye My trust, and be not intent only on your own ease. (Baha’u’llah 1966: 41)

‘Amatu’l-Baha Ruhiiyih Khanum said that there is so little love in the world that those of us who have an abundance of it should share it. And this is what this Hidden Word means to me. If we are rich in love, then we must share it with those who have known abuse and degradation.

Listen: Sometimes all it takes is for someone to extend a hand and reach in the invisible garbage heap and help the survivor find her way. This means listening to the person.  It can take hours and hours, sometimes years, but eventually the person is finally able to stop talking and resume some sort of life.

Brenda Ueland says listening is a great and powerful thing, a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. She writes Think how the friends that really listen to us are the ones we move toward, and we want to sit in their radius as though it did us good, like ultraviolet rays.  She says that when we are listened to, really listened to as if what we have to say means something, ideas actually begin to grow within us and come to life. When we have problems, who is it that we go to? She asks. Not to the hard, bossy practical ones who can tell you exactly what to do, but to the listeners: that is, the kindest, least censorious, least bossy people that you know. It is because by pouring out your problem to them, you then know what to do about it yourself. (Ueland 1992: 104)

I think people with post traumatic stress disorder are always trying to make sense of what has happened. The are trying to find the meaning of their experience. Belief: Often the traumatic event is unbelievable and to take the step towards belief is to go against what one might have thought previously about the goodness of human beings. But belief is essential because as more and more people believe that human beings can become lower than animals, the person with post traumatic stress disorder is not living in an isolated world of terror. They are able to talk about it knowing that people won’t think they are crazy.

How does all this relate to community? I would like to share with you a recent incident, although none of the people involved have post traumatic stress disorder. It was at a study class, and there were two people who arrived late. One of them was very upset because a friend of hers had just committed suicide. She asked that in our round of prayers we remember her friend. The study class continued after the prayers and there was some tension. When I was driving home, I realised that what we should have done, had we been true community, was to listen to the woman tell us how she felt about this terrible news, and ask if there was anything we could do, perhaps pray, or let her cry, or let her tell us about the dead woman.

Now I know some may be thinking about justice and how it would not have been just to all the friends who came for the study class. Well I have thought about it, and I think if it had been Feast or an LSA meeting, perhaps that’s correct because these are institutional meetings. But this was a study class where a great big white elephant walked in and everyone ignored it.

Shoghi Effendi wrote to an individual believer in 1935 that Baha’i community life provides you with an indispensable laboratory where you can translate into living and constructive action, the principles which you imbibe from the teachings….” (Shoghi Effendi 1935)

One of the outstanding writers of our time is M Scott Peck, author of books like The Different Drum, The Road Less Travelled, and A World Waiting to be Born, who writes at length about the laboratory or community. I think he has some wonderful insights about the nature of community. Peck writes: Community is and must be inclusive. The great enemy of community is exclusivity. (Peck 19 : 61)

Community: a group that has learned to transcend its individual differences. Community is contemplative. The members are thoughtful about themselves, and become thoughtful about the group. (Ibid.: 62)

Community is a safe place. As soon as it is safe to speak one’s heart, as soon as most people in the group know they will be listened to and accepted for themselves, vulnerability snowballs and community members find themselves being valued and appreciated. They become more vulnerable. Love and acceptance escalates. They become intimate friends, and true healing begins. (Ibid: 68)

Community requires the ability to expose our wounds and weakness to our fellow creatures. It also requires the capacity to be affected by the wounds of others, to be wounded by their wounds. (Ibid: 69,70)

He also writes about the stages community goes through, over and over again. The stage of pretence. The communication in pseudocommunity is filled with generalisations. It is polite, inauthentic, boring, sterile and unproductive. The stage of chaos: the attempt to obliterate the differences which have escalated during pseudocommunity. The stage of emptiness: I call this the suffering stage because it is the time that members of the community are striving to become community and must relinquish prejudices, snap judgements, fixed expectations, the desire to convert, heal or fix, the urge to win, the fear of looking like a fool, the need to control.

Peck writes Other things may be exquisitely personal: hidden griefs, hatreds or terrors that must be confessed, made public, before the individual can be fully ‘present’ to the group. This is the time of risk taking and requires great individual courage. Peck believes that community must become empty for a kind of miracle to occur. Is this not what Baha’u’llah tells us about teaching either ourselves or others? – that we cannot fill an overflowing cup. It must be emptied first. Only after these three stages can there be true community, which then must go through the stages again and again as it advances towards perfection. (Peck 1993: 275-276)

If we have people in the Baha’i community who have terrible stories to tell and they have no one who will listen to them,

how then will we become true community?

How will we be enriched by their courage and their will to live in the face of denial, if we do not hear their stories?

I believe we have a lot to learn from people who have suffered trauma because we will learn how to be truly human as God has intended us to be. And the community also has a an important part to play in the healing process. In a letter to an individual believer, the Department of the Secretariat wrote on behalf of the Universal House of Justice:

Your letter refers to experiences in the Baha’i community such as group activity, chanting, embracing, and referring to ‘Abdu’l-Baha as the Master, which have the effect of triggering in your daughters the revival of the painful memories they are seeking to overcome. While this is unfortunate, it might also be viewed as an important part of the healing process that they learn to clearly distinguish between people motivated by a corrupt inclination to abuse and manipulate others, and a community which has as its watchword the protection of the rights of each individual, and which is striving to strengthen the bond of mutual love and respect which binds it together. (The Universal House of Justice 1992: 2)

When people share it also brings about incalculable public good. Jeffrey Jay writes that the effects of trauma cannot disappear from the history of the victim so there are two choices for the victim:  introspection or extrospection. The latter allows the victim to understand not only how the traumatic state is maintained by public ostracism, but how they can transform their personal shame into effective public witness. Even though the community resists what trauma victims have to say, it needs their knowledge in order to understand that trauma begins in the community and belongs in the community. (Jay: 27)

The Baha’i community has an awesome responsibility. As world conditions worsen, there will be more and more traumatised souls coming into the Baha’i community. Unless the community is able to listen and believe what has happened, and unless the community allows these people to speak their pain, then they will come in and go out again. Because remember many of them have a complete lack of faith in human beings, in all areas you know, whether it’s politics or whatever, you hear one thing and you believe something else. (Jay: 18,19)

I have attempted in this paper to address the issues that accompany post traumatic stress disorder, its challenge to the community, and steps which may assist the community to face this issue.

These are the references:

‘Abdu’l-Baha (1982) The Promulgation of Universal Peace. Discourses by Abdul Baha Abbas during His visit to the United States and Canada in 1912, Baha’i Publishing Trust, Wilmette.

‘Abdu’l-Baha (1962) “Joy and Pain”. In The Reality of Man Excerpts from Writings of Baha’u’llah (1963)

Gleanings from the Writings of Baha’u’llah, Baha’i Publishing Trust, Wilmette. Baha’u’llah (1966)

The Hidden Words, Baha’i Publishing Trust, London. Baha’u’llah (1982),

Tablets of Baha’u'llah Revealed after the Kitab-i-Aqdas, Baha’i World Centre, Haifa.

Bradshaw, John (1992), Creating Love: the next great stage of growth, Bantam Books, New York.

Department of the Secretariat of the Universal House of Justice. A letter to an individual Baha’i: 5 January 1992.

Department of the Secretariat of the Universal House of Justice. Some issues relating to child abuse. An attachment to a letter to an individual Baha’i: 5 January 1992 5 #10.

Effendi, Shoghi (1961) The Promised Day is Come, Bahá’í Publishing Trust, Wilmette.

Effendi, Shoghi (1935) Letter to Allen Tichener.

Friedman, Matthew J (1996) ‘Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: An Overview’ in WWW email ptsd@dartmouth.edu.

Haber,Joram Graf (1991) Forgiveness, Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Maryland.

Jay, J. Terrible Knowledge, Networker, Nov/Dec 1991 Job 38, 3, 4, 12:

The Holy Bible authorized King James Version, Nashville Kushner,Harold S. (1982),

When bad things happen to good people, Pan Books, London. Morgan, Robyn (1993)

The Words of a Woman: Selected Prose 1968 – 1992, Virago Press Limited, London.

Peck, Morgan Scott (1987) The Different Drum, Simon &Schuster, New York.

Peck, Morgan Scott (1993) A World Waiting To Be Born, Civility Rediscovered, Bantam Books, New York.

The Bab (1976), Selections from the Writings of the Bab. Haifa: Baha’i World Centre.

Ueland, Brenda (1992) ‘Tell me more’ In Utne Reader, Nov/Dec 1992.

 

I’ve gone through several stages in my understanding of if or why or how to forgive my abusers.  In the early days, I found a quote which I assumed was the Bahá’í standard: If some one commits an error and wrong toward you, you must instantly forgive him.  (Abdu’l-Bahá, The Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. [...]

I’ve gone through several stages in my understanding of if or why or how to forgive my abusers.  In the early days, I found a quote which I assumed was the Bahá’í standard:

If some one commits an error and wrong toward you, you must instantly forgive him.  (Abdu’l-Bahá, The Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 453)

I certainly wasn’t in a position to do that, but I sincerely wanted to be obedient, so my prayers in those days were:  “OK God, I can’t forgive them, but You can, so please do!”

Then in one of my letters from the House of Justice, they told me:

As a devoted believer you are urged to strive to develop for¬giveness in your heart toward your parents who have abused you in so disgraceful a manner, and to attain a level of insight which sees them as captives of their lower nature, whose actions can only lead them deeper into unhappiness and separation from God. (From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to this author, 9 September, 1992)

This was totally liberating!  I loved their string of adjectives “strive to develop”, which suggested that it could take a lifetime, and even if I never got there, as long as I was striving to develop, that was OK with God.

Secondly, I had to develop forgiveness “in my heart”, not between us!  So if I was never able to spend time with them again, it was enough to develop it in my heart, between God and I.

Finally, they wanted me to separate my parents from their sin – a concept I’ve just learned recently, but when I come back to this quote now, I can see what this means “to attain a level of insight which sees them as captives of their lower nature”.  By refusing to forgive them, I was not honoring the perfect beings that God created, I was only seeing the monsters of their lower natures.  That truly was liberating!

What’s been your experience and understanding of forgiveness?   Post your comments here:

Although God is the supreme educator, our parents have a responsibility to educate us.  They are His emissaries, who can show us God’s direction in our lives through their modeling. It is enjoined upon the father and mother, as a duty, to strive with all effort to train the daughter and the son, to nurse [...]

Although God is the supreme educator, our parents have a responsibility to educate us.  They are His emissaries, who can show us God’s direction in our lives through their modeling.

It is enjoined upon the father and mother, as a duty, to strive with all effort to train the daughter and the son, to nurse them from the breast of knowledge and to rear them in the bosom of sciences and arts.

This responsibility is so strong, that if it isn’t done properly, there are severe consequences for both parent . . .

Should they neglect this matter, they shall be held responsible and worthy of reproach in the presence of the stern Lord.  This is a sin unpardonable . . .

And child:

. . . for they have made that poor babe a wanderer in the Sahara of ignorance, unfortunate and tormented; to remain during a lifetime a captive of ignorance and pride, negligent and without discernment . . . for in the sight of mankind that child is abased and degraded and in the sight of God weak and defective. In gatherings it is ashamed and humiliated and in the arena of examination subdued and defeated by young and old. What a mistake is this! What an everlasting humiliation!

‘Abdul-Bahá suggests:

Verily, if that babe depart from this world at the age of infancy, it is sweeter and better. In this sense, death is better than life; deprivation than salvation; non-existence lovelier than existence; the grave better than the palace; and the narrow, dingy tomb better than the spacious, regal home.  (Abdu’l-Bahá, Baha’i World Faith, p. 398)

I was looking at this quote tonight, and thinking about the consequences of my own abuse, which has left me wandering in ignorance (fortunately I have the Writings to teach me how to behave); tormented (with anxiety and depression); captive (wanting to break free but until recently not knowing how).  I was abased (through not being able to work at paid employment) and degraded (not having enough money and having to make use of soup kitchens and food banks).  I was always afraid I wasn’t living up to God’s expectations because all the Writings were “should’s” which I couldn’t meet.  I was ashamed of not being able to participate in community life, and easily defeated and discouraged by other people’s judgments of me.

And as ‘Abdul-Bahá suggested, for most of my life, I wanted to die.  I wanted to start over in the next world, free of all the defects of an abusive childhood.

Ultimately my parents lost their right of parenthood (which meant I didn’t have to ask them for consent), and I had to find another way to find my way back to God.

And I wondered, if our parents didn’t do a good job, how can we ever know God’s love?  What has been your experience?   Post your comments here.

Many of those who’ve experienced extreme trauma, are stuck in the past.  We can’t get past the terror, horror, betrayal, rejection, bitterness and many other veils that distance us from God. But God can’t do anything to help as long as we’re living in the past. He urges you to grasp firmly the teachings of [...]

Many of those who’ve experienced extreme trauma, are stuck in the past.  We can’t get past the terror, horror, betrayal, rejection, bitterness and many other veils that distance us from God.

But God can’t do anything to help as long as we’re living in the past.

He urges you to grasp firmly the teachings of our Faith, the love of your family and many Bahá’í friends, to put the past behind entirely, realizing that it can do you no more harm; on the contrary, through changing you and making you spiritually aware, this very past can be a means of enriching your life in the future!  (Shoghi Effendi, Unfolding Destiny, pp. 449-450)

He wants us to come into the present:

Pleasant is the realm of being, wert thou to attain thereto . . . Shouldst thou attain this station, thou wouldst be freed from destruction and death, from toil and sin.  (Baha’u'llah, The Persian Hidden Words 70)

And focus on the future.  His teachings are all directing us to a future which encompasses the Most Great Peace (which will benefit us as well as society at large):

Do not allow your minds to dwell on the present, but with eyes of faith look into the future, for in truth the Spirit of God is working in your midst.  (Abdu’l-Bahá, Paris Talks, p. 169)

What are your experiences living in the past, present or future?  What’s helped you get free from your past?

All of my adult life I’ve been consistently physically, emotionally and spiritually sick.  I’ve known it in every fiber of my being, but doctors (and busybodies) tell me that nothing’s wrong.  It’s all in my head, or it’s “just” stress.  Sometimes I wonder if it’s a gift from God, for the perfecting of my soul: [...]

All of my adult life I’ve been consistently physically, emotionally and spiritually sick.  I’ve known it in every fiber of my being, but doctors (and busybodies) tell me that nothing’s wrong.  It’s all in my head, or it’s “just” stress.  Sometimes I wonder if it’s a gift from God, for the perfecting of my soul:

Suffering, of one kind or another, seems to be the portion of man in this world . . . poverty, disease, bereavement – they seem to be part of the polish God employs to make us finer, and enable us to reflect more of His attributes!  (Shoghi Effendi, Lights of Guidance, p. 603)

We’re told in the Bahá’í Writings to consult doctors when we are sick.  But if I truly believe that it’s a gift from God, why would I go to a doctor to rid myself of something God’s given me?

We have a set of doctors who look after our body’s physical health; and a different set of doctors who look after our mental health; but where are the doctors who look after our soul’s health?

Surely if we can’t take care of our own physical and mental health without the need for specialists, we also need specialists who help us look after our spiritual health.  Perhaps it’s the Local Spiritual Assemblies in their role as loving parents, but in their embryonic state, most of them aren’t able to perform this function yet.

Of course, we have the Divine Physician, who we often forget to consult, especially when our pain is acute:

. . . the true Physician is debarred from administering the rem­edy, whilst unskilled practitioners are regarded with favour, and are accorded full freedom to act.  (Bahá’u'lláh, Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá’u'lláh, pp. 39-40).

We’re told in the Bahá’í Writings to look for “competent physicians” when we’re sick.  Two of the elements mentioned are that doctors should look to the spiritual causes of disease and take time to know their patients:

Say to [Dr.] . . . . that “he studied physical medicine and he cured physical diseases. I beg of God that he may become a spiritual physician and heal the sickness of the ignorant ones.”  (Abdu’l-Baha, Tablets of Abdu’l-Baha v3, p. 507)

Consequently, the doctor must be aware of, and know, all the members and parts, as well as the constitution and state of the patient, so that he can prescribe a medicine which will be beneficial against the violent poison of the disease. In reality the doctor deduces from the disease itself the treatment which is suited to the patient, for he diagnoses the malady, and afterward prescribes the remedy for the illness. Until the malady be discovered, how can the remedy and treatment be prescribed? The doctor then must have a thorough knowledge of the constitution, members, organs and state of the patient, and be acquainted with all diseases and all remedies, in order to prescribe a fitting medicine.  (Abdu’l-Baha, Some Answered Questions, p. 158)

With a health care system disintegrating, doctors are ignorant of the spiritual roots of disease and don’t have time to get to know their patients, so it’s hard to find one that’s truly “competent”.

This has led me to research alternative methods of healing, including following up on suggestions found in the Bahá’í Teachings, but like everyone else, I’ve missed the spiritual roots of my disease – sin (falling short in my obedience to God) and fear.

God wants me to be healed.  It’s in His nature as the “Healer”, “the Helper”.  But healing is not an “on” switch.  Although God says he can make anything happen in a “twinkling of an eye”, He often doesn’t.  There’s frequently a change that needs to happen in our thinking, our actions and our being before healing can take place.  So we can’t be in a hurry to be healed – we need to be patient.

It was a journey becoming dis-eased and it will be a journey getting whole again.  Think of a baby learning to walk.  He takes tiny, tentative, hesitant steps at first, and then falls on his butt, often crying in frustration and pain in the process.  But we always encourage him so that he gets up and tries once more, over and over again.  I think I would rather fall down 4 times in the process of healing (relapse), and get up again 4 times, than stay down, hopeless that recovery will ever happen.

I’m impatient, though.  I’ve lived without hope for so long.  The only hope of a better life seems to be found in the Bahá’í teachings about the afterlife, so I want to die, so I can get there, and begin my “true life”, free from relentless emotional distress and pain.  But wouldn’t it be better if I could have a perfect healing in this world, so I didn’t have to wait for the next?  Is it possible?  And if it is, wouldn’t that be a wonderful thing?

If I could truly be healed of my post traumatic stress symptoms; the anxiety, depression, low self esteem and low self worth which are remnants from childhood abuse, then I would be willing to live in this world, take full advantage of the opportunities it has for me, and would no longer long to die!  O God, help me to have a perfect healing in this world.  I know it’s possible because you tell me:

But for the unfailing grace of God — exalted be His glory — no antidote could ever cure these inveterate diseases.  (Baha’u'llah, Tablets of Baha’u'llah, p. 252)

God will assist thee, through a spirit from His Presence, to heal sickness and disease.  (Dr. J.E. Esslemont, Baha’u'llah and the New Era, p. 112)

Turn thou toward God with thy heart beating with His love, devoted to His praise, gazing toward His Kingdom and seeking help from His Holy Spirit in a state of ecstasy, rapture, love, yearning, joy and fragrance.  God will assist thee, through a Spirit from His Presence, to heal sickness and diseases.  (Abdu’l-Baha, Tablets of Abdu’l-Baha v3, p. 628)

O God, guide my steps aright, through Thine inspiration!

by Susan Gammage If you seek immunity from the sway of the forces of the contingent world, hang the Most Great Name in your dwelling, wear the ring of the Most Great Name on your finger, place the picture of ‘Abdul-Bahá in your home and always recite the prayers that I have written; then you [...]

by Susan Gammage

If you seek immunity from the sway of the forces of the contingent world, hang the Most Great Name in your dwelling, wear the ring of the Most Great Name on your finger, place the picture of ‘Abdul-Bahá in your home and always recite the prayers that I have written; then you will behold the marvelous effect they produce.

When I first disclosed my abuse in therapy and then to my perpetrators, I was feeling very vulnerable.  Would I be killed?  I’d believed that this would be the outcome of giving voice to my experience, all of my life, which is what had kept me silenced for so long, even to myself.  Therefore, I was happy when I discovered this morning’s quote by ‘Abdul-Bahá.  It was something practical I could immediately implement.

I went from looking over my shoulders and not wanting to leave home, to trusting that I would be protected from any recriminations.  And I was!  It was a heady experience!

Later, once my life had stabilized and I was experiencing triggers at work with abusive bosses, I would read that quote again, and realize I was again being protected.  I had choices this time, where I did not as a child.

Even later, when I realized the impact of materialism on my life, and longed for a simpler lifestyle, this quote reminded me that by living on a limited income, I was being protected from the worst of it.

I love discovering deeper layers of meaning in quotes as I grow in faith!

Click here to see where you can find more quotes like these.

by Susan Gammage, Baha’i Life Coach Detachment – Forgiveness – Faith – Trust – Hope All spiritual principles encouraged in the Bahá’í Faith as well as other religions, but how do we apply them to painful situations that continue to plague our lives? In order to live a full and complete life, we must learn [...]

by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach

Detachment – Forgiveness – Faith – Trust – Hope

All spiritual principles encouraged in the Bahá’í Faith as well as other religions, but how do we apply them to painful situations that continue to plague our lives?

In order to live a full and complete life, we must learn how to let go of past failures and disappointments and not carry them with us into our future.

Hanging on to pain, bitterness and disappointment from a past conflict is a heavy burden. It affects your moods, attitudes, relationships, job and all aspects of your life. Negativity eats away at your self-esteem and destroys any possibility of a life free from pain.

Fortunately, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel! Your future doesn’t have to be a repetition of your past. You don’t need to be destined to a life of pain, regardless of what you’ve already been through. You can lay down your burdens. It’s okay for you to be free. In fact, you deserve it!

These six steps will help you move forward and find the freedom you need to begin living a fuller, more enjoyable life, regardless of what lies in your past:

1. Talk about it. Discuss your past pain, fear, disappointment or trauma with a trusted friend or family member. Fully express the feelings associated with the situation: cry, scream, or do whatever you need to do to release the bottled up emotions in a safe way.

Until you really talk about the feelings connected to your past, you may not be able to move past them. Once you’ve spoken the words, release them from your mind forever. As hard as it may be, it’s the only way to free yourself from your past.

…let us turn our hearts away from the world of matter and live in the spiritual world! It alone can give us freedom!    (‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Paris Talks, p. 110)

2. Use a journal. Writing in a journal is an excellent way to pour out your pain. A journal offers the safety of knowing your words are just for you and won’t be read by anyone else. Don’t worry about spelling, grammar, or even if the words follow a logical progression, simply write from the heart.

Physically writing your thoughts and feelings can release your emotions so you can move past them.

And as you come to the end of your writing, reflect on the good that came out of the event.

To look always at the good and not at the bad. If a man has ten good qualities and one bad one, to look at the ten and forget the one. And if a man has ten bad qualities and one good one, to look at the one and forget the ten.  (Dr. J.E. Esselmont, Bahá’u’lláh and the New Era, p. 83)

3. Seek forgiveness. Many people misunderstand the meaning of forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t mean what happened to you is unimportant or you’re saying it’s “okay.” In fact, forgiveness isn’t about the other person at all.

Forgiveness simply means that you’ve made the choice to let go of the desire to exact revenge and punishment, and you’ve found closure within your heart and soul.

Forgiveness releases you from the burden of carrying the pain any longer. By choosing to forgive, you can stop thinking about the past so it won’t control your future.

The Bahá’í Writings tell us:

You are urged to strive to develop for¬giveness in your heart . . . and to attain a level of insight which sees them as captives of their lower nature, whose actions can only lead them deeper into unhappiness and separation from God. By this means, you can liberate yourself from the anger to which you refer in your letter. (Universal House of Justice to an individual, Dec. 2, 1985)

4. Seek professional guidance. You can choose to get help from a life coach or therapist.  The people closest to us aren’t always the best choice to help us work through our pain. It may be difficult for us to fully open up about our deepest pain or it may be hard for them to step back far enough to help us through it.

Seeking guidance from a professional gives us the safety of relative anonymity, which can make it easier to share our problems. Often a coach or counselor can help us see a new point of view, which can help us move forward.  If you need the help of a life coach, Susan provides the first 30 minutes at no cost to you.  Click here to email her for more information.

5. Use alternative therapies. There are many techniques you can use to help change your mindset, which can be instrumental in leaving the past behind.

One method, known as EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique, uses the principles of acupuncture (without the needles!) to help you take the “charge” out of your feelings. EFT is done by tapping with your fingertips on the meridian points in the upper part of your body.

The tapping sequence, combined with verbally expressing your feelings, helps break up the blockage of energy caused by the negative feelings, allowing you to release them.  For more information, do a Google search – there are lots of good articles on EFT out there.

6.  Read the Bahá’í Writings, morning and night.  Not only is it a requirement, it serves a practical function as well.  As we see in the Bahá’í Writings:

Peruse My verses with joy and radiance. Verily they will attract you unto God and will enable you to detach yourselves from all save this resplendent Tablet.  (Bahá’u'lláh, The Compilation of Compilations, vol. I, p. 188)

Hanging onto past negativity isn’t necessary. No matter what your history contains, you can learn to release it and move forward into a life filled with contentment and joy. Find a method that works for you and begin, today, to let go of the past and move into the life you deserve!

by Susan Gammage, Baha’i Life Coach I’m happy to announce the release of my new book called:  Abuse and Violence:  Reasons and Remedies.  It’s a compilation from the Bahá’í Writings and offers many quotes not found in other sources.  For more information, please go to:  http://bahailifecoach.com/publications#post-1 According to the United Nations one in three women [...]

by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach

I’m happy to announce the release of my new book called:  Abuse and Violence:  Reasons and Remedies.  It’s a compilation from the Bahá’í Writings and offers many quotes not found in other sources.  For more information, please go to:  http://bahailifecoach.com/publications#post-1

According to the United Nations one in three women will experience violence during her lifetime and one in six men will be abused.  The Bahá’í Writings teach:  “Among the signs of moral downfall in the declining social order are the high incidence of violence within the family, the increase in degrading and cruel treatment of spouses and children, and the spread of sexual abuse. It is essential that the members of the community of the Greatest Name take the utmost care not to be drawn into acceptance of such practices because of their prevalence. They must be ever mindful of their obligation to exemplify a new way of life distinguished by its respect for the dignity and rights of all people, by its exalted moral tone, and by its freedom from oppression and from all forms of abuse.”

The struggle to end violence on this planet is a battle on four levels – emotional, intellectual, spiritual, physical.  It requires every bit of our strength, our courage, our fierceness.  It means speaking out when everyone says to be quiet.  It means going the distance to hold perpetrators accountable for their actions, even when we know that punishment does not make abusive people behave better.  It means honoring the truth even if it means losing family, country and friends.  It means developing the spiritual muscle to enter and survive the grief that violence brings and, in that dangerous space of stunned unknowing, inviting the deeper wisdom.

The process of healing from violence is long and happens in stages.

Those of us who have been abused have a responsibility to turn something horrible into something positive, by sharing our stories.   We have to experience our rage, depression and desire for revenge and transform them through grieving and teaching and service.

In every community there are humble activist working every day, to undo suffering.  They sit by hospital beds, pass new laws, write boring proposals, beg for money, open safe houses, demonstrate and hold vigils in the streets.  We have not given up hope, but we are exhausted.  Yet with everything, we still laugh, work and continue to go on.  Despite it all, we still have the biggest, most sincere smile on our faces and demonstrate to others the enormous strength of the human spirit.  We know that compassion is the deepest form of memory.

If we were to hate the perpetrators, the perpetrators would have won.

Inequality is the primary form of violence.  Whether we were molested as children, raped or beaten in North America, stoned and publicly shamed in Pakistan, abducted and disappeared in Chile, suffered female genital mutilation in Kenya, subjected to systematic and widespread gang rape in Bosnia, beaten to death for not wearing a veil in Afghanistan, sold into sexual slavery in Northern Africa, burned with acid in Pakistan, sex-selective abortions and infanticide in China, dowry-related deaths and honor killings in India, beaten for refusing to have sex with a husband in Egypt,  honor killings in Bangladesh and women slowly being made extinct through gender genocide and war in Afghanistan and Iraq . . . the list goes on and on.

Every woman’s story is my story too.  I am a Canadian, I am a Bahá’í.  I am a citizen of the World.  I embrace the experience of women all over the world and I help them realize that we are one, that united we can face anything.  For more information, please go to:  http://bahailifecoach.com/publications#post-1

by Susan Gammage, Baha’i Life Coach One of my life coaching clients asked “what Bahá’í Writings and principles can we use to put limits on violence? (ie how can we encourage enterprise, adventure, loyalty, courage, challenge and team-work without accepting violence in toys, TV and behaviour? The topic of violence is near and dear to [...]

by Susan Gammage, Baha'i Life Coach

One of my life coaching clients asked “what Bahá’í Writings and principles can we use to put limits on violence? (ie how can we encourage enterprise, adventure, loyalty, courage, challenge and team-work without accepting violence in toys, TV and behaviour?

The topic of violence is near and dear to my heart. When my son was young, it was a lot easier: I simply didn’t allow violent toys into the house. On invitations to birthday parties, I always wrote: “Violence-free toys would be appreciated”, and I never had anyone go against this request.

I didn’t have time to monitor the TV or money for the better cable stations, so TV was simply not used, except for the occasional movie (though I did have the entire collection of M*A*S*H, which I used to teach him to be anti-war!)

Fortunately, he wasn’t interested in competitive sports (nor were they encouraged). Instead we cultivated an interest in karate, swimming, skiing, biking, hiking snow-boarding and skateboarding.

When friends came over and were interested in violent activities, I would simply say, “this is a violence-free house”. I seldom had to repeat it twice, and was always astonished that the children understood what this meant and were able to adjust their behaviour accordingly.

When my son was a pre-teen, he was constantly exposed to violent computer games and music. Fortunately we didn’t have much money, so weren’t able to buy these things. When they crept into the house, though, we’d talk about them. Sometimes he disagreed with my definitions of what is violent, and he often didn’t understand why I reacted so strongly to it. Because we consulted, we both felt heard and when I really couldn’t stand another song with violence or sex, he was OK with turning the radio off. I learned that I can’t ban everything; I had to learn moderation and tolerance.

My favorite line was: “it’s not my law, it’s the law of God”, or “what would ‘Abdul-Bahá think?” or “you don’t have to like it, you just have to do it”.

We used to read personal accounts of people’s experiences with the Central Figures of the Bahá’í Faith and it helped us to understand the context in which decisions were made. When he could see the human side of the Central Figures, he had role models to look up to.

How do you set limits on violence and sex in your home? Post your comments here: